My husband’s name was Jagdish and his wife’s name was George Fernanades. I complained many times to you ‘Saheb Jagdish has married to you not to me and not to me.’ In your mischievous voice said all those many times “that is true” and “that that is why you are my Navri”. Navri is a Marthi word denoting the impression of the word Bride – a newly married girl. You always called me “Navri”, never Aruna and that your softly spoken word resounds in my ears and will linger till my death.

I never cared to ask Jagdish since when he was associated with you, but I happened to remember him telling me that he personally knew you since the time of 1974 Railway Strike. He became closer to you during Late Dr, Jai Prakash Narayan’s Harit Kranti Andolan and then whole and sole of his election campaign since 1977 till 2004. Many people might not know him as he was always behind the screen. But all Biharis knew him, even Lalu Prasad renamed him as Country Pandeji, as our Family name is Deshpande. Desh is country and Pande became Pandeji.

Saheb Jagdish was so much engulfed in you that he never thought of introducing me to you as his wife. I got married with Jagdish on 17th Dec 1976 but your introduction of me as Jagdihs’s wife was through Sudhkar Prabhudesai ( who passed away last month only) during one of your public lecture in Mumbai while you were Industry Minister – Jagdish as usual was at Muzaffarpur to look after your constituency.

And from 1978 till 2018 for 40 years my life is flowing along with you.

Let me start with story connected with birth date as 3rd June which I can never forget. I do not remember the exact year but Jagdish had just returned from Patna and happened to inform me that 30th June is Sahab’s birthday. As the month co incidentally was June I sent a Birth Day greeting card to you. And your notorious reply followed. (which few must have been experienced) You sent the same card to me writing in bold letters “My Birth Day is 3rd June and not 30th June and since then I have never forgotten the date. I was not at all interested in politics or social movements and all that atmosphere. But in course of time, I got related to you that because of Jagdish. And Jagdish was with you because you were his role model in public life. I came to know many things about you, your habits, likes and un likes etc through Katha Kathan of Saheb from Jagdish. But my contacts with you began only after 1998 after I left the job and started staying at 3 Krishna Menon Marg for major time in Delhi than our house at Mumbai. Since then today I did not miss any of your birthday. If I was at Mumbai I used to send greeting card on the name of Durga who used to hand over to you first thing in the morning along with Nimbu Pani and tea. In 2000 on completion of 70 years I send you a big letter of five pages with scribbling whatever was in my mind. The same day you were to go to Europe as Defence Minister of the country, but your prompt reply saying I will remain grateful for your feelings has given me happiness which I cannot explain in the word. And next year I was sleeping at 3 Krishana Menon and You asked Durga ‘ Aaj Navri ka card nahi aya kya?’. Having come to know that I was next door you came inside the room to meet me instead of me greeting you. And the excitement I experienced on that day cannot be described in words!!!. Last year I was I was at Delhi on 3rd June, finally I could not control myself and started crying and Leilaji consoled me. This year I can write and narrate unknown facts about Saheb which nobody knows about, as I am away in my village.

Basically, you looked at me as your very intimate and personal defence organization which cares about somebody without any expectations, prejudice and take care of his food habits which one cannot be frank with every one and anybody. After I started staying at Delhi I came to know that you liked more food cooked with fresh coconut which has no place in northern style of cooking. Many a times, we carried even coconuts from Mumbai to Delhi. Once I made a vegetable of small half ripe mangos, which are available only in Western Cost or border of Maharashtra Goa and Karnataka. The lunch was over and Dhanuu(servant) came to call me I went inside and saw that defense minister of India was sitting on the floor with empty plate in the front and searching out the mangos small inside seed like a child. Suddenly you said “Navri how you came to know that I like this?I am having it for the first time after my mother’s passing away”. I was looking at him and saw few drops of tears behind his glasses as you remembered your mother. Saheb, you used to like my home made pickles and many friends of you like Cherian are always amused at that.

You have given me some most cherish able t moments in my life Saheb and you never were Defence Minister to me in our interactions. Once you had dinner at home with foreign signatories. My sweet lemon pickle and garlic pickle which was the best in the world according to you, as it became a big hit with dignitaries. That was absolutely the high-level meet, I cooked for them in your kitchen and was sweating completely from top to bottom – went to my room from a different door. I was having my bath and Dhanuu came running saying ‘Memsab saheb ne bulaya hai’. I was in two minds whether to go or not , still in the bathroom and Dhannu coming again and again shouting ‘madam jaldi karo sab apko bula rahe hai’. As I went inside the dining room you said ‘come navri’ and further told them she is the wife of my political defendant college Jagdish and Aruna defends my stomach. And then somebody from Pakistan asked me how to make the garlic pickle which I did. What happiness and recognition one needs in the life which unaccountable in terms of the money at least for me.

Even at the topmost positions Saheb, you did not changed your habits and remained down to earth. But who has observed them so far? Nobody. In politics leader is a tool to fulfill personal and political ambitions and once the way you said ironically ‘till now I have yet to hear thanks from either of the them’. Has anybody tried to know what was going on your mind? Everybody was treating me as Limbu Timbu a non-existing player in the game except you Saheb. After Alzheimer had grown on you completely the only two persons are witnessed for many incidences and your emotional transmissions – only Durga and me, not even Jaya Jaitely who was known as the whole and soul of George Fernanades.

I do not know whether I should write it or not but since I have an opportunity to open my mind and let others know the bright golden colours of Saheb. As the close person of Defence Minister people used to come with their work to us. Once I was shocked to hear that somebody said that people talk in the market that if you know Jaya Jaitley then your work is done and the way we saw your sufferings as we were with you during tehelka time at Delhi.

And once you went to office earlier than the office peon and sat on his stool waiting for him to come and open the door. As he came you saluted him, is there any cabinet minister in the history of independent India who was in the office on time?

Saheb I have realized that the people who like you they just love you. But there is large section of the society who hates you and that degree of hatred, which can be compared with the hatred of the Jews about Adolf Hitler even after many years till today. It is just my opinion, rather realization after being around you in all these years.

Saheb your and Jagdishs’s relationship has no scale to measure. He used to travel constantly from Mumbai to Delhi Patna Muzaffarpur and many other places. You gave him free pass to travel as Rail minister for which we heard many comments from behind, but nobody could say anything openly. Later, even Lalu Prsad and Jafer Shrif also became rail ministers but also honored your request to extend his pass. Further you poured oil in the fire making Jagdish committee member of the top most Passenger Services Committee when Nitish Kumar was Rail Minister. Not once but three times. Again, despite many jealous comments, I kept on shuttling all over India with Jagdish.

Saheb my recognition as International Travel writer is because of you. My study material for Travel & Tourism course could came out as travel guide published by Jaico International Book publishers was because of my association with the then Defense Minister. Your request to attend my first books’ inauguration function on 25th August 2000 to Nitish Kumar and Digvijay Singh was not to be neglected by them and it was a grand celebration in the presence of three cabinet ministers and many members of parliaments. Again, second book India a Divine Destination at President House on 5th Jan 2005 by Hon Dr A P J Abdul Kalam has given me strength to keep on writing tourism-based books and till now six books are already rolling on net. Unfortunately, Alzheimer had devoured you completely during inauguration of sixth important book on Buddhist sites from all over India. The book was released by His Holiness Dalai Lama at a meeting of Buddhist Conclave meeting of leaders of 36 countries from all over the world.

Your enormous Book Collection at 3 Krishna Menon Marg, the official residence, helped me to widen my perspective to look at the world. I will and must remain grateful for you.

The day 13t Dec 2001 terrorists attached Indian parliament. Saheb you were defense minister of the country. When the firing was going on, Jagdish and me were out somewhere and came to know about it only when we came back to your home. The house and entire staff was stand still – not a single word but sound of continuous telephone rings. Saheb you were alone sitting in the room nobody dared to go inside your room. After a while Jagdish told me to follow him to Saheb’s room. Saheb you were sitting on your usual chair, sweating and holding your specs in one hand and another hand on the forehead looking on the ground. Jagdish sat in front of his chair on a sofa and I was standing behind sofa keeping hand on the shoulders of Jagdish. After some time all of a sudden I heard ‘Navri’ ‘ What saheb’ me. ‘Do you not look after Jagdish’, again question marks on my face. See how the Jagdish’s feet is swollen up. Jagdish was suffering from Kidney problems and I had nothing to say except looking at his face with strange feelings. Defense Minister of the country facing national calamity and at the same time thinking about his colleague’s health. One need a big heart to understand that. And Saheb that is why whenever Jagdish was hospitalized at Mumbai KEM Or Sion you came running to see him despite your busy schedule to console me not to see Jagdish but to tell me not to worry Navri. Defense minister of India is behind you to defend you. What more one needs in his life … satisfaction?

How many citizens of India have experienced love and warmth of Saheb the way I have experienced?

This love of yours for me and Jagdish has made you to visit our small home town Hajgoli near Ajra district 90 knms from Kolhapur on the borders of Maharashtra Goa and Karnataka. My house is four kms inside the main road having no proper connecting pucca road. As per protocol of the Defense Minister, the district collector refused to take him from that road, but Saheb you were stubborn on your visit to meet people of Jagdish’s village in his place itself. Jagdish told Collector that it was not Defense Minister but of his friend visiting him. Lots of newspaper. Congress people said that Defense minister has no work, so he is coming to small town. Jagdish told the Congress people they have lost the relations with rural India and George sab has till his roots with villagers and hence he is visiting them.

Ours was a small village having 70-75 houses not more than seven eight hundred population. Defense Minister was to arrive. The whole atmosphere was more bright and colorful than the Diwali. People had come from far off other villages on motor bikes, scooters, walking, bullock carts. A big gathering of six thousand persons waiting calmly and quietly without any noise for a long time. Saheb you came and had a lunch with all locals, sitting on the cow dung smeared house eating absolutely villagers meal menu (menu was highlighted in the newspaper next day). Saheb you saw our 100-year-old house and gave speech in Marathi. Many remember even today and keep talking to me again and again when I go to my village. Saheb you openly praised us saying that I am in the Parliament today because of Aruna and Jagdish. Same sentence was highlighted in the newspapers next day. Saheb I was not at the venue but could listen to you from the house. Those days, I cried with joy and feeling of fulfillment of our life.

Saheb one thing I have observed about you if you like something you liked it with all its odds and plus, but if you do not like you will make no bones about it. My observation might be wrong but still I must write it. Your love for dogs is world famous. When you were even Defense minister, you half your bed was filled with books, sometimes your dog Sheena also slept on your bed pushing you to a corner of your own bed. I remembered Jagdish telling me about Kamli – the dog you liked most. I was not there but Jagdish and Narendra guru were talking and having fun about it. She disappeared, and you were restless for a long time. Everyone from the house were going to find out Kamli and once somebody said to go to astrologer even to find it. Does any citizen of India know you were also as simple citizen as most are?

I was with you in Delhi during Admiral(madmiral as Sahed used to call) Vishnu Bhagwat episode. I was sure, George Fernandes is the only one minister of the country who dared to take the fight against the strong services bureaucracy. You had a strong will and determination Saheb, but unfortunately media built a curtain between you and public. That is why in another way you must go through pains during Tehelka time and we had to witness the worst of your times. Messages and telegrams received from all over India showed their trust in you. Even today your worst opponents admit that Saheb can never can be tarnished by Tehelka. On the day of Vishnu Bhagwat dismissal Shina dog gave birth to five puppies early in the morning. With Vishnu Bhagwat in the mind you took care of your grandchildren providing them heater, milk bottle with strict instructions to look after her. Living on two absolutely different levels at the same time — Saheb how you made it possible?

Again, Konkan railway. I do not know whether Bhanu will remember it to or not. You had a map of Konkan railway where you were sitting on the table in silence for some time and you suddenly got up and said, ‘The Konkan railway will run”. This happened even after you were not a Railway Minister after initiating the project. You turned your words into reality.

When the railway work was stopped at Goa because of some problems you were again with crowed sleeping and fighting on roads with your local supporters and union members to demand the completion of the Konkan railway.

Saheb, I remember it very clearly in November 2008 you had already been affected with 80% Alzheimer I could not talk to you on politics, you suddenly asked me to take you to Mangalore which was your unfulfilled dream and I should accompany you on your golden pass.

2004 parliamentary elections. You had offered your constituency to Nitish Kumar and Jagdish took the responsibility to help you out again to contest the election from Muzaffarpur. Everybody was shocked with that decision, in the night you had some conversation with Jagdish. I was always out from political scenario. Next day I saw both of you calm and quiet and Jagdish leaving for Muzaffarpur. That was the first time I went with Jagdish for election as he was just out from hospital after having spent two months, but for Jagdish, Saheb you were more important than me. I remembered once few of Biharis were chatting at Home. Somebody asked Saheb what will happen, if Jagdish will contest the election against you from Muzaffarpur who will win. Without wasting a single minute delay, you replied Jagdish. That faith on Jagdish has helped you to get elected with many odds and problems inn 2004 election. I can say it strongly as I have experienced everything for the first and last time in my life.

Jagdish passed way in January 2008. Saheb you were already in the grip of Alzheimer. After the death of Jagdish, we are only Durga you and me who have spent maximum time in your company. Saheb your restlessness about the fact that nobody comes to your house now, and you were walking up and down alone, cutting such a sorry figure that, we did not know what to do. And to top it all you kept waiting sahib…for whom? Did you wanted to say something to us –it reminded me of the very humorous song in Marathi “Even the death comes in front of me, he will wait for few moments till you come and meet me” Saheb you are waiting for whom and for what. These questions make me very uneasy, I had to say, I had nothing to give or take from you. It was Jagdish because of whom I came close to you and cherish many a memory, learnt many things looking at you from far distance – everything makes me restless each time when I see you. Who you were to me and what you are to me that I do want to think. For me you are person without face of any identity. In what which capacity your name will be included in the history of India? There is vast difference between eyes of others and my eyes. Now this year I am not going to be with you my words or greeting cards are also meaningless. My mind is at least at this stage is like Gautama Buddha compassionate but only one thing I could not stop asking you even though I am Nimbu timbu. You have read all philosophies and practiced whatever you could do it for the betterment of the citizens of this country. You know that women can make or break anything. What made you to allow Jaya Jaitley a ring master of your life Saheb? I saw both you from exactly 1978 when I went to her house on the call of her husband Ashok Jaitley being APS of you and later also saw that anybody who said anything against her, you removed that person out of your life even though he was the closest of your circle? I do not want to know anything in depth as nothing is of help to anybody now. But I keep wondering about it…

But why Saheb, the question will remain unanswerable for all of us. Once Jaya called me to say that I should go to Delhi and file an affidavit in the court and so on. That day was the first time I said whatever I wanted to say and from that day I have not heard from her. The question of your and her relationship will remain as mystery in history for all of us.